Grace
by di311
Summary: Alex and Izzie's thoughts in her moment of grief. Spoilers for Losing My Religion. This is my feeble attempt to capture the beauty that was that scene.


Grace

**A/N**: This is the song played during the Meredith/Derek love scene in the finale just before Denny's death. I think that it fits Alex/Izzie's scene really well so thus, I'm using it:-) Alternates POV from Alex to Izzie. I do not own these characters, they are property of the genious that is Shonda Rhimes, creator of Grey's Anatomy.

_I'm on my knees  
only memories  
are left for me to hold  
Don't know how  
but I'll get by  
Slowly pull myself together  
There's no escape  
So keep me safe  
This feels so unreal_

When I heard that Denny had passed, my thoughts immediately went to Izzie. I knew she would be devastated so I rushed to his room to find her. Sure enough, there she was cuddled up next to him as if he could still wrap his arms around her. The moment I saw her, my heart shattered into a million pieces. She looked so helpless and childlike, clinging on to the dead man next to her as if he might wake up and comfort her. The others just stood and watched her, in shock? Dumbfounded? I didn't know but I didn't care.

I vaguely heard her whisper "I just want to be alone with Denny."

So as I brushed past the others in the room I did what I'm known for, what's expected of me. I told her the cold hard truth.

"Izzie, that's not Denny."

"Shut up" she said. One last feeble attempt at keeping me away. But this time I wasn't going to let her succeed.

"Iz, that's not Denny," I repeated, "the moment his heart stopped beating he stopped being Denny."

It killed me to say these next words, but I knew it's what she needed to hear and I also knew that it was the truth.

"Now I know you love him, but he also loved you. And a guy that loves you like that, he doesn't want you to do this to yourself."

I knew that firsthand. I didn't have to speak for Denny there, because those were my feelings. I couldn't stand to watch her like that.

"Because it's not Denny, not anymore."

I watched as slight realization started to show on her face. She seemed to reflect for a minute.

"An hour ago he was proposing. And now he…now he's going to the morgue. Isn't that ridiculous? Isn't that the most ridiculous piece of crap you've ever heard."

I watched for a moment as she dissolved. She let her heart break fully and began sobbing uncontrollably. So I did the first thing that came to my mind. I reached down and took her into my arms.

"Come on." I murmured.

She didn't resist. She just wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face into my shoulder and continued to cry.

I carried her over to the chair and sat down. She continued to cry harder and harder and grasped at my shoulders. With one hand on her back and the other propping up her legs, I rocked her back and forth just barely, hoping that I could help even in the slightest bit.

As much as she was hurting right now, it felt really good just to hold her. Her tears were beginning to soak through my suit jacket but I didn't care. I gently pressed my face against the side of hers. Closing my eyes, I half savored the moment and half willed God to take it all back so that she could be spared this pain.

All I can do is hold her and hope that it means something, hope that it brings her some kind of peace until she can be whole again.

I silently vow to myself that I will always be the one she can turn to for comfort, and maybe one day I'll even be the one she will love so much.

* * *

After hearing Alex's words, it hits me. The finality of it all. Denny is gone and he won't be coming back. I can't handle it anymore so I let it out. 

The sobs begin to wrack my body when I feel strong arms pull me away and up. Alex's arms, I quickly realize. I'm too tired to fight him so I just wrap my own arms around his shoulders and let him hold me. Somewhere inside of me behind all the pain I realize that I don't want to fight him, I want to be held because I can't deal with it by myself anymore. I don't want to be by myself.

I feel movement and realize that Alex has brought us over to the chair. I just hug him tighter and cry harder. I know that I'm ruining his suit but I don't think it matters.

My sobs continue to reverberate through my body and my throat begins to hurt. I feel slight motion and realize that he's rocking me back and forth. It is surprisingly soothing and I feel myself relax a little though I am still in hysterics. He presses his face against the side of mine, my voice seems to just disappear as it seems I am spent and my cries die down. I bite my lip and sniffle, wondering if I'm done or if there's more.

I burrow my face farther into his shoulder and vaguely register that he smells very clean. It strangely brings me comfort and I just close my eyes. I assume everyone else is in the room still and I know we all need to get out but I want to spend a little longer here. It takes me a moment to register what I'm feeling.

Safe. I feel safe right now. And if I move, I'll remember everything else and what I felt moments before. I tighten my arms just a little around Alex's neck to let him know not to move.

I'm not ready yet. I wonder how he knew he could help, how he knew this was what I needed, but I'm glad he did.

_Nothing comes easily   
Fill this empty space  
Nothing is like it seems  
Turn my grief to grace  
I feel the cold  
Loneliness unfold  
Like from another world  
Come what may  
I wont fade away  
But I know I might change  
Nothing comes easily   
Where do I begin?  
Nothing can bring me peace  
I've lost everything  
I just want to feel your embrace_


End file.
